Friday, April 20, 2007


Run with the Hunted

every light that shines
will find a quiet place to die
every truth we tell
will eventually become a lie
i try and i try and i try to understand
but there is so much about this world and myself
that i will never grasp
there’s only so much i can say
things can never be the same again
i can never be the same

i've got a pretty piece of paper
sealed in tempered glass
hanging on my wall
they told me it was a ticket
on a one way road to success
they told it was a guarantee
but what they didn't tell me:
it was a guarantee
for a life spent slaving for my own greed
cause it's really just a cog in a machine
that's killing my mother
just a bullet in a gun pointed straight at my father
just a fucking collar i get to wear
and you expect me to live like this?
til’ i break my will to see another way
til’ i'm tired, broken and empty just like them
how do i tell them their entire lives were wasted?
stolen from them by habit and routine
perpetuated by their desire to breed
in the end am i just a tool
just a part of their machine?
now i'm staring at my reflection
and i don't know whether to feel proud or disgusted
and you expect me to live like this:
an old and broken man who said his piece
who threw out the truth and let it die in the streets
lived a life that he didn't want
loved a wife that he'd rather have not
keeping himself company between worn and weathered sheets
a model constructed to copy and follow
prescribed lies coated, fucking easy to swallow
degrees of happiness like shades of gray
never living a life just filling a series of days
and you expect me to live like this?
and you expect me to live like this?
and you expect me to live like this.

look into my eyes
and tell me what you see
reflections of the man that i used to be
like the light from a star in a distant galaxy
it took such a long time to reach me
living in darkness.
torn in half
ripped apart at the seams
exposed. alone.
flesh ripped from bone
this is what it's like to be me
my body's all but forgotten how to tell joy from pain
in the end it's all the same
living in darkness.
i wrap myself in sheets made of glass
to disfigure this flesh
to hide this pain
to cover this mask
inside i'm ugly
outside i'm broken
there exists a place between two worlds
where the only colors are gray and shapes have no meaning
i'm awake when i sleep and i dream beneath the sun
but i feel no warmth, i'm the only one
set me free
let me wallow in this pain
let me bask in its beauty
at least i have control
at least your life goes on
there is no shame only truth in this misery

i used to want to succeed
so i could realize my dreams
but now i've got a new motivation
forcing open your mouth and feeding you my frustration
i want to watch you choke on the lines that you fed me
pry open your jaw with the force that's required
tear bone from tendon
find the truth in a liar
your carefully laid plans, all for nothing
your tired aching hands, all for nothing
your life so empty, you're missing something (it's me)
and you cast a pretty tall shadow
but now it's time to move on
we're freezing and starving
you're blocking out the sun for the rest of us

but if i could have it any way
what i really want more than anything
is to watch you fail
i want to watch you fail
your silence so righteous
come lay down besides us
we sleep in a bed of nails


give me shelter, give me love
give me pressure from above
cause i can't shake the feeling
you're on your knees for nothing
so here's your chance to bathe me in light
take my wrongs and make them right
give me peace and give me war
give me faith in something more
just teach me how to believe
show me what you see
cause the only heaven i know is earthly
and the only faith i found was blind
so here's your chance to bathe me in light
take my wrongs and make them right
collective heads in the sand
holding onto dreams with holes in your hands
i want to be on the right side
i want to feel righteousness
can you promise me eternity?
i want it all for all the world to see
i want to know what i'm missing

so x marks the spot yah?
x marks the spot
where you left a piece of yourself to die
extinct in an epoch
when giants roamed the land
casting shadows over clocks made useless
and if we can't tell time
we'll wait forever
until distant words come together
so plot a course yah?
plot a course
draw dotted lines right to the end
but the spaces between reveal everything
you never wanted me to know
i stood knee deep in the mess you left me
til' my bones filled with fluid drowning marrow
it all soaked through, it always does and now
the wrinkles and inseams stitch together a pretty portrait
of right angles made by fools
perfection is just another word for hopelessness
and at this intersection
standing on the edge of the earth
we'll wait forever
until the corners of this map eventually overlap

i threw my voice to the wind
and hoped it would carry enough weight
to fall with grace, we're all falling
all struggling, all suffering, all calling out for a place
i'm just looking for answers
but i found bodies writhing on the floor
fingers grasping out for more
desperate eyes straining longing for a vision
abused hearts yearning for a final incision
to cut away to the pain
i ran my fingers through every blade of grass and every grain of sand
as if it were the last of its kind because the world that i see now
is a moment frozen in time
like the calm before the storm
the final scene of a crime
a final testament to our failure
a mouthful of bitter truth digested into lies
bodies writhing on the floor
fingers grasping out for more
desperate eyes straining longing for a vision
abused hearts yearning for a final incision
to cut away to the pain
when my body decays
and my memory fades
how else can i say?
these words are all i have
deepening with every passing breath
slow absorption into tangled  myths of self and soul
delving through scars
as seekers of solace carving through the chambers of the heart
we scrape away memories
hoping to heal
but it never seems to end
we are all struggling
we are all suffering

i see the look on your face when you come home every night
defeated and tired, no longer inspired
the weight of the world has you pinned at the neck
and i understand your position
you did what you had to do
and the selflessness
shouldn't be confused with apathy
you put all your faith in the future
and that future was me
but i'll never be what you want me to be
don't expect too much from me
you left me a world unfit to inhabit
dead and dying, still i'm trying
to swallow your failure
it tastes so bitter
fuck your generation and fuck posterity
we were born to fall short
so here's to you and yours
a generation of never was
we were born to fall short

my eyes are tired
but i could never close them
tight enough to learn
how to see their lies again
i learned a lesson today
and its begun to unmake me
the beliefs that i carry
have finally begun to break me
look at what they make you give
sacrifice your life to live
and all i ever wanted
was to ease their fear and pain
now i've got nothing left
who am i to complain?
look at what they make you give
sacrifice your life to live
smother my will to try
nurture my will to die
the truth will set you free
but it will weigh you down
tired of the pain and tired of the questions
tired of the journey, sick of the depression
i stand before you, bent but not broken
weak in the knees, silently outspoken
i need this time to breathe
need something new to believe
because today i feel hopeless
today i haven't got the strength to fight
today i haven't got the strength
tomorrow i might

if i told you nothing's ever good enough for me
would you play judge or jury?
if i said that i was happily unhappy
would you even believe me?
i'm just a cynic and i know it
i'm just a liar disguised as a poet
don't let me drag you down
i'll run your dreams into the ground
tear down the things that scare me
keep my expectations low to prepare me
for what i know will eventually come
drawing maps inside my head so i know where to run
i'm just a cynic and i know it
i'm just a liar disguised as a poet
don't let me drag you down
i'll run your dreams into the ground
i hide the truth in a mountain of lies
i walk alone in a forest of eyes
they see right through me
you'd have to bend me to break me
you'd have to unmake me to make me
do it again, and i probably would
stick a knife through these scars
open up old wounds just to see what's inside
see what i’m made of
i could write a line to right a wrong
and i could write a song so they could sing along
but this path i walk is mine alone
"heavy lies the crown"


i sold my faith to make this right
i killed myself for you tonight
what we leave behind is hardest to find
so don't look back i left a mess
the things that once moved me now cease to amuse me
i traded happiness for honesty
the things that once moved me now merely confuse me
i miss the bliss of ignorance
steady me, my hands are shaking
silence me, my jaw is aching
we think different thoughts inside of the same head
we sleep on different sides of the same bed
the things that once moved me now cease to amuse me
i traded happiness for honesty
the things that once moved me now merely confuse me
i miss the bliss of ignorance
there is a violence inside me this world has never known
there is a hatred that guides me that i have never shown
i found a piece of myself worth saving
i'll learn to love it yet
i found hope in imperfection
i found comfort in death
so lay me down and sing me to sleep
when i wake up tomorrow, i will be free
when the sun rises, i can finally be
something more than me.



Pouring over these pages
Searching for an answer to a question
I never even wanted to ask
But the fact remains
You're gone and never looking back

Doesn't matter much
Cause I'm looking down anyways
My head's quite heavy these days
Weighed down by an honest
Lack of understanding
I gave you everything I had
You gave me nothing back

I'm pulling out my hair
And planting all the roots
Touch the sun for me baby
(Get warm and burn out)

My spine is broken
Bent over backwards
One too many times
It was never enough

And if you could fill these bags under my eyes
What would you put in them?
Once again you've got
Nothing left to give
So I've limped my way into a corner
And I'm bleeding miserably
Hand me another bandage will ya?
So much time spent chasing ghosts
My life is haunted
So fucking haunted

I won't let you see me like this
So close your eyes and just walk away
Your eyes betray
what your lips won't say
Agony the world will never see
All I'm losing is me


The world we know is dying. The world we knew is dead
And even though we're trying, I know that it's too late

To save a dying breed takes strength and compassion beyond belief
Living in the ruins of this failure is enough to break the best of us
So why help build it up, when we can tear it all down?

But if there's something to be said for all the innocent blood that's been shed
It must be that life is beautiful
To value that which matters most, to love and laugh and hold it close
They can't take that away from me

I'll choose my battles carefully but I will always choose to fight
Injustice is never acceptable
Mark my words, when the tables turn
You'll be the one staring down the barrel of a gun

When the odds are stacked against you the world can seem unfair
They make the rules to serve their interests
They taken everything I love and sealed off every entrance

But what they fail to realize will see to their demise
They rape and steal, they lie and kill
They're fucking empty inside
They fight for nothing
And leave us with something worth fighting for
Something worth fighting for


When I say I’m losing,
What I really mean is that I’m on my way
To being lost in something more
Well that doesn’t sound so bad now does it?

I’ve rubbed shoulders with people looking to be found
To be someone,
To be something,
To just be proud
To tilt their heads back and bask
In a lukewarm spotlight
Cast down from catwalks of superstition

I’ve shaken hands with men
Whose finely tailored suits
Just didn’t fit
Clothes don’t make the man
So stop wearing yourself thin

To a clinical observer of the human carnival
The games all sound the same
“Pick me, pick me, love me, use me.”
They call to each other like crickets at dusk
And I rock myself to sleep

Softly, to their song
There’s music in the sky if you know how to listen up
There’s power in the soil if you let yourself believe
And there’s good company to be found at eye level

Stop looking up, stop feeling down
Stop trying to be found
Lose yourself
There’s a liar in everything familiar


How can this be?
How could this have possibly happened?
Everything I’ve ever been told, merely a lie
Wrapped up in comfortable mythology
Suffocated by false pursuits of happiness
A culture born at any expense

From the ashes of history this monolith rises
Skyward, ascending reality
Leaving in its wake a trail of blood
For a saddened existence
A societal foundation built on careful calculation
Lies and insanity, superego and conquest, unhappiness in destruction
Hand in hand

When the outcome rules the process,
When the end consumes the means,
We leave ourselves with one option: extinction

But these ideas run deep
Firmly rooted in an inferior superiority complex
What cannot be conquered can never be understood
What does not assimilate must be destroyed
Whatever it takes to feed this insatiable civilization
(We must pursue at any cost?)
I hang my head and tense my body in horror

For I have ripped this culture’s veil from my tired eyes
Peered into its mythology long enough to realize,
I don’t want to be a part of it another day
I don’t want to be a part of it another fucking day



And so it unfolds, before our very eyes
The harsh realities of a world gone cold
Devoid of the human warmth which once radiated
From a thousand hearts
Beating a common beat, pumping a family blood
Thick, red love coursing through the arteries
Of this fallen angel called humanity.

The greatest potential ever known
Tossed aside, ostracized and left to decompose
In a most earthly way

If others happened upon our beautiful failure
Would they celebrate our meager triumphs?
Or trumpet our resounding defeats?

Wrap themselves in our severed wings
And fly into the safety of tomorrow
The greatest potential ever known (laid to waste)
Cast aside, demonized, disregarded, and over-played
When this the tragedy of the commons
Draws to a close…
The lights will fade, dim to absolute darkness
And the others, will rise from their seats
Pausing to reflect, on their own plight
Just before shuffling into the aisles and continuing

Onward and upward (can we rise above)
Onward and upward (what humanity has become)


So you took a chance and risked it all
Guess I should have done the same when I could've
I took the safest route, once again
And it only led to a place I rarely tread
No silver lining, no other way about it
I'm green with envy, and ripe with hatred for my inability
To dive headfirst, the only way I thought I knew
So this is what it took (to make me realize how I feel about you)

I guess I did a pretty good job, lied through my teeth
Tried to suppress feelings not so long gone
Just conveniently dismissed, for the sake of timing
At least now I know where I stand, still alone, bitter
And frustrated with the confusion, of possibility (use your illusion)

I fed you to the lions
Dressed you in a disguise, of prepared temptation
Breathed you in deep, one last time
Then consciously sent you into their jaws

Now as I sit here and attempt to make sense of this can of worms
You've dumped in my fucking lap

My closest friend, my biggest enemy
Dwell within, the same chasm I've left vacant for my demons.


Of all the frustrations life has to offer
Surely there is none greater than this
To watch you fade away
Eyes glazed, snout gray
With nothing but a helpless whimper
To shame a legacy of such elated love
Somehow I knew this day would come
Though I fought it with everything, that I could muster

What is it to say goodbye?
To the ones you don't want to leave you
To be left buried under the weight of joyous memories
And with the task of burying your heart under six feet of lonely earth
I am so fucking exasperated
At my inability to do more for you

When left without a choice
One of us dies
And the other dies. A little inside
As the sun sets onto this, your final night
I profress my anguish on these pages
Left with little more than inevitability to comfort my broken heart

I love you with all that I have.
Gone but not forgotten old friend
Gone, but never forgotten.


I've reached the point of no return
And I must say it looks all too familiar
For the life of me I can't understand why I do this to you all
Why I do this to myself
And I wake up everyday wondering (does it really have to be like this?)

My words so sharp and aimed so true
It's no wonder I'm the only one left standing
I've done it all, and failed each time
Watching everyone fall away, piece by piece, one by one
Yet somehow I remain afloat, clinging helplessly to the past
As if what happened then will save me now
How could I be so naive

Believing verbal justification will right these wrongs
Regurgitating the same apologies time and time again....

Well if talk is cheap, then I'm in debt
And there's no one left to blame
No one in sight to point my finger at
Got to throw these skeletons, from my closet (cause the oldest habits die the hardest)
Time to face these demons and feel their wrath....

I can't say I didn't see it coming
Just foolishly assumed the day would never come
Well here it is, and I hate myself
Who would have guessed?


I've waited seven long years to say this
And though I've already said it a thousand times before
On these pages, and under my breath
I can't afford to dress it up in metaphors another second

When wishing death upon you, doesn't come close
To the punishment you deserve
I'll fantasize justly morbid thoughts
And let this hate boil over
A life if failure should be shame enough…

Cause you can't change minds with a cross and a gun
And you swore to destroy the very thing that you've become
If you want to end terror, take a look in the mirror
Stick a knife in your throat, and cut from ear to ear